It's easy to convince ourselves that we should keep our expectations and standards low to avoid getting hurt or let down. Settling for less, denying ourselves, or putting things off for later is something we do far too often. We settle for less far more than most of us realize, on a daily basis.
We might think it's no big deal, or that we're just being humble or modest or that we're being a little lazy. Perhaps. But when we do it too often or with regard to things that matter too much (love life, physical health, self image, and more), the bottom line is that we don't think we deserve it. That we aren't worth the extra work. That we are being selfish, picky, or demanding if we elect to ask more of ourselves and FOR ourselves.
I've gone through waves of settling for less in my life
that almost make me cringe to this day.(I say almost because I
was doing the best I could at the time.) My worst (best?) example is my last
relationship. That was settling in a BIG way. I was extremely unhappy, but
figured that was life, or at least the life I deserved. Crazy right? I had not
yet learned how to be true to my heart or be independent/self-reliant--but
that's another story.
Of all the difficult experiences that individuals face in
life, being alone can
be among the hardest. Growing up, you probably weren't given good examples of
how to be alone. It seems like everything you see in movies and TV and on the
internet is about how to find the right partner and make it work. There’s
nothing wrong with seeking love, because it’s beautiful and can bring about
some of the most treasured moments in our lives. But very few people know how
to be alone and do it well. They aren't happy to be alone. They fear it and
seek love wherever they go. Too often the pleasure they find in falling in love
is the sweet release of no longer being by themselves in the world.
I'll share another example. In my late 20s I was very
overweight, isolated, depressed and totally out of touch with my needs, wants, and
identity. I wore clothes that were more appropriate for someone much older and
frumpier than me. Deep down, I thought that was all I deserved. That it didn't
matter, that I didn't matter. I was a passive bystander in my
own life. I had not yet realized that I had a choice about most everything in
my world.
It often feels easier to settle than to fight for what you
want, but in the long run it’s much more work. To not fully express who you are
and to deny yourself your birthright to choose to be happy and to have fun, is
ultimately a draining and depressing influence on your life.
We slip into these patterns sometimes, but be aware of when
you're consciously tempted to settle, to slide into “this is good enough” mode.
Keep giving yourself the time and energy to be your best. Yes, it takes energy,
and it takes faith, but ultimately the more you live with that energy and
attitude, the more joy and energy it gives you back. You deserve and ARE better
than that!
Pay attention to your thoughts and to that little
sad feeling or twinge in your heart when you deny yourself things that
matter to you. A thousand of those little stings add up to make an unfulfilled
and lonelier life than any of us deserve when happiness and joy is right there
for the taking. Don't put off your dreams for later.
Remember, it’s not about a number or anything so rigid - be kind to yourself. It’s about how you feel. Be dead honest with yourself and
your internal compass will steer you straight. Accept yourself and keep pushing yourself to be your best
you WHILE loving yourself (no conditional love allowed: "I'll love me when
I lose 20 pounds" - no, boo boo, that is not how it works). Find love in
your heart for yourself as you are right now and you will find the inner
strength and belief that can move mountains.
Now go do something nice for yourself, you deserve it! And as always Be Good to Yourself (BGTY)!
Mostly, you gain strength when you learn to listen to your
own voice and live life on your own terms.”
~Sara Eckel
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