"Joy is the most vulnerable emotion we experience, and if we cannot tolerate joy, what you do is you start dress rehearsing for tragedy. When we lose our tolerance for vulnerability, joy becomes foreboding." When I heard Dr. Brene Brown say this on Oprah's Lifeclass I had an epiphany.
What we do in moments of joyfulness is we try to beat vulnerability to the punch, 'dress rehearse for tragedy.' This is my biggest character flaw, I tend to downplay anything good that happens to me because I am terrified that the other shoe is going to drop and this 'joy' will be be taken away. The second I start feeling joy, instead of relishing the blessings, I start analyzing the reasons why this joy won't last. It's like, by trying to imagine the worst case scenarios, I think I am going to protect myself from what I fear most. But vulnerability is not a weakness, in fact it can turn out to be our greatest strength. But instead of being vulnerable we put up emotional shields to protect ourselves.
Dress rehearsing for tragedy is imagining something bad is gonna happen when in reality, nothing is wrong. Dr. Brown also shared this: "How many of you have ever stood over your child while they're sleeping and thought, 'Oh my God I love you' --- and then pictured something horrific happening? Or woke up in the morning and thought, Oh my gosh, job's going great, parents are good....this can't last. Instead of using joy as a warning to practicing disaster, use it as a reminder to practice gratitude."
Truth is, it doesn't work. If we lose a loved one, get fired from our job or fall into financial distress, no dress rehearsal will protect you from the reality of loss and pain. And in the interim, you've missed your chance at real, uninhibited joy.
Truly joyful people do not allow fear to take away from fully experiencing joy. Instead of dress rehearsing for tragedy they say I am going to practice gratitude. Gratitude is a practice...it is tangible! Go get it!!
"To love someone fiercely, to believe in something with your whole heart, to celebrate a fleeting moment in time, to fully engage in life that doesn't come with guarantees -- these are risks that involve vulnerability and often pain. But, I'm learning that recognizing and leaning into the discomfort of vulnerability teaches us how to live with joy, gratitude and grace."
~ Dr. Brene Brown
P.S. I have been writing this post for two weeks...glad that I am finally in the right space to post it. Thanks for reading!
