"Right now can you make an unconditional relationship with yourself, just at the height you are, the weight you are, with the intelligence that you have and your current burden of pain, can you enter into an unconditional relationship with that." ~Pema Chodron (Link to video: HuffPost Black Voices )
This quote forced me to really question the type of love I have for myself...so often I think, how can I be something other than I am? Instead of really loving and appreciating the person I am today, right in this moment.
Self-acceptance and self-love has been an ongoing struggle in my life. It is a battle that I fight to overcome on a daily basis. I believe what prevents me from conquering that battle is my lack of self-compassion. We are our own worst critics! We need to recognize that given our defenses, blind spots, insecurities, and that harmful things you may have been exposed to, you really are doing the best you can- and have been all along. Also we need to stop evaluating ourselves according to standards that don't really fit you are, or what you can realistically expect of yourself.
I have learned that once you succeed in accepting yourself more-in simply coming to appreciate who you are and who you are not- the self-judgement barriers that have prevented you from loving yourself other than conditionally begin to gradually fall away. Its in this much more kind-hearted and understanding self-recognition that lies the path not just to unconditional self-acceptance nut also to unconditional self-love.
I know from my own personal experience that unconditional love is an everyday battle, but its worth it. When you start to believe and know you deserve it the feelings will come easier. Just as in any type of relationship you have to put in the work or it will become stagnant. Once you start waking up everyday deciding that you're going to do whatever it takes to make my relationship with myself work, because it is important. It matters enough to me to work at it everyday. That does not mean I win everyday.
Loving yourself begins with accepting yourself right now. We must look at every vestige of limitation as a creation of past thoughts and feelings.Whether it is a personal weight problem, inflated ego, mistaken activities, or engaging in events we would rather forget, we can release all of them.
No one can do it for you. Unconditionally loving yourself is a personal commitment and a lifelong journey. Believe in yourself enough to listen to your inner wisdom. Know what you know and be who you are.
Be patient with the process. Sometimes small shifts happen over time. Allowing your own process to unfold over time is an act of love in itself.
We are all human, and we all deserve love. Today, do yourself a favor and start with yourself...unconditionally.