Friday, March 11, 2016

Unconditional Love...Its Possible

Last night I was scrolling through Facebook and came across this video posted by HuffPost Black Voices about an inspirational quote that changed the course of actress Tracee Ellis Ross' life. I love a good quote so I had to press play, it was:

"Right now can you make an unconditional relationship with yourself, just at the height you are, the weight you are, with the intelligence that you have and your current burden of pain, can you enter into an unconditional relationship with that." ~Pema Chodron  (Link to videoHuffPost Black Voices )

This quote forced me to really question the type of love I have for myself...so often I think, how can I be something other than I am? Instead of really loving and appreciating the person I am today, right in this moment.

Self-acceptance and self-love has been an ongoing struggle in my life. It is a battle that I fight to overcome on a daily basis. I believe what prevents me from conquering that battle is my lack of self-compassion. We are our own worst critics! We need to recognize that given our defenses, blind spots, insecurities, and that harmful things you may have been exposed to, you really are doing the best you can- and have been all along. Also we need to stop evaluating ourselves according to standards that don't really fit you are, or what you can realistically expect of yourself.

I have learned that once you succeed in accepting yourself more-in simply coming to appreciate who you are and who you are not- the self-judgement barriers that have prevented you from loving yourself other than conditionally begin to gradually fall away. Its in this much more kind-hearted and understanding self-recognition that lies the path not just to unconditional self-acceptance nut also to unconditional self-love.

I know from my own personal experience that unconditional love is an everyday battle, but its worth it. When you start to believe and know you deserve it the feelings will come easier. Just as in any type of relationship you have to put in the work or it will become stagnant. Once you start waking up everyday deciding that you're going to do whatever it takes to make my relationship with myself work, because it is important. It matters enough to me to work at it everyday. That does not mean I win everyday.

Loving yourself begins with accepting yourself right now. We must look at every vestige of limitation as a creation of past thoughts and feelings.Whether it is a personal weight problem, inflated ego, mistaken activities, or engaging in events we would rather forget, we can release all of them. 

No one can do it for you. Unconditionally loving yourself is a personal commitment and a lifelong journey. Believe in yourself enough to listen to your inner wisdom. Know what you know and be who you are.

Be patient with the process. Sometimes small shifts happen over time. Allowing your own process to unfold over time is an act of love in itself. 

We are all human, and we all deserve love. Today, do yourself a favor and start with yourself...unconditionally.



Monday, January 11, 2016

You are enough...Period.

You are enough....

The words are simple enough, but the meaning is very regularly lost.

Maybe not lost, but dismissed. Tossed aside. Neglected. I think we are all familiar with these words, but if you are anything like me, you see them for a brief moment before snatching them off their shiny, fluffy clouds, crumpling them and shoving them under a rock while looking around to see if anyone is watching.

I am not patient enough. I am not smart enough. I am not strong enough.

The enough trap. This trap is an ugly, painful cycle that can easily ensnare us. In a world that keeps telling us there is always more, nicer, bigger, better, it can be hard to feel like we are enough. We are constantly comparing and never satisfied.

I like to play ignorant of the fact that I am enough because accepting that fact is HARD. It is easier to internalize the criticisms, compare out, and constantly try to jump to a ledge that is always just a little out of reach. How does that make sense? I'll just pretend I didn't know about it and then no one can challenge the fact that I haven't been accepting it.

There are days when I get it and days when I don't. Writing about things is a wonderful way for me to process them. A way for me to think out loud. That being said, when I write posts like these they are often when I am in the middle or just on the cusp of internalizing an important message or principle. I'd rather write about them now than when I have it all "figured out" because I think writing in the middle is more authentic. Granted, I may seem more scattered, but aren't we all?

No matter how hard we try, how much we work, or how much we have, we can become victim to a vicious cycle of striving an never feeling like enough. I have my days that no matter how much I have tried and how much I have done, I still feel inadequate and defeated.

When we are so hard on ourselves and think we cannot measure up to what we think God expects of us, it can be hard to accept the fact that He loves us just the way we are.

SO, coupled with the information I know to be inherently true and the fact that we are often far more compassionate with others than we are with ourselves, I have a few things to share with you...I venture that if there actually were a handbook issued at birth, t might go like this:

1. You are a miracle. Never forgot this fact. Just the science alone is mind blowing.

2. You are unique. No one will ever be as good at being you as you are. Seriously.

3. You are enough. Always. Never doubt this. There is nothing to add, but feel free to expand.

4. There is always, always, more to learn, but that is not failure it is a gift. It can be fun too.

5. Every obstacle is an opportunity to fall further into the miracle that is you.

6. Commit to being the best version of your ever day. Re-calibrate definition of "best" as needed.

7. Forgive. Forgive. Forgive every which way. Forgive him. Forgive her. Most of all forgive you

8. Compassion is the key to forgiveness. Compassion means you feel the humanity in others.

9. The more you forgive, the more you'll enjoy being you, because the lighter your load will be.

10. In the end, as in the beginning: YOU. ARE. Amazing.


I have a spent a lot of time trying to be what I thought others and the world wanted me to be. It has been one of the most tiring existences. I'm not sure where I got my concept of what the world wanted me to be, because when I actually realized what that was, it had nothing to do with what my brain told me.

The more that I speak from the heart and take the time to nurture the things that make me unique, the more receptive I find the world to be. Being myself requires far less work and because of that I am able to invest more time in developing who I am. Finding a voice. Changing the world...or at least my little corner of the world.

Won't you join me?