Most of us have certain ideas about how or when we'll start enjoying life more - after I get this job, when I get married, or after I lose that last 10 pounds- which actually keeps us unhappy. Not all of these misconceptions are about the future either. Thinking that if we had behaved differently in the past, we'd be more content now is equally as damaging. My old definition of joy always seemed to place it in the future.
Its sad to look back at all the time I wasted waiting for joy, instead of waking up to the fact that it's all around me.It's really easy to fixate on something and think that you can't be happy without it, but it's just not true. In fact you're holding off on joy until something you want shows up, you could be missing out for no real reason.
We all have the power to decide to be joyful right now. I'm not saying it's what we were taught or that we don't have the habit of being cranky or depressed based on what our day looks like, but we have the power to do something about our mood. If our happiness depends on having what we want, we become too dependent on outside circumstances and how the world works. "Be happy for no reason, like a child. If you are happy for a reason, you're in trouble, because that reason can be taken from you." ~ Deepak Chopra
I think most people want a happy life and go seeking "things" and "people" to make them happy, but the problem is that happiness does not come from things and people; it comes from inside.
Look forward by all means, be happy and excited about what lies ahead, but if you find on reflection that you are living so far ahead in the future and tying how you might feel to what you hope will happen then that you're missing out on the present, it might be time to stop and look around! You can be happy right now and you don't need anything for that to happen.
Once you begin believing that what you have been asking for is on it's way, no questions asked, it's far easier to focus on what's already making you happy. So the next time you find yourself thinking 'if only', or as 'as soon as', you can change it to God is for me and everything is working out in my favor. Because really, it is.
We must be willing to let go of the life we planned...so as to have the life that is waiting for us.
~ Joseph Campbell
Friday, January 24, 2014
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
No Regrets, Only Lessons Learned
I can remember with painful clarity some of the most mortifying mistakes I've ever made in my life. There was my first real solo in the children's choir at my church when I forgot all the words; the colossal error of trying to steal some candy from the corner store that my mother denied me, knowing full well she had eyes in the back of her head; the time I tripped UP some stairs in front of my crush and busted my lip wide open. I could go on for days!
Everyone's felt it, that forehead-smacking frustration that comes with failing, or simply being flat-out wrong. To make things worse, these mistakes always tend to take center stage in our minds. To err may be human but most of us are still afraid to admit when we've been wrong, it feels like an "indictment of our self-worth." When we make a mistake, most of us fall into two categories: those who think, 'Forget it, I'll never be good at this,' then we try to forget it altogether; or those who view a mistake as wake up call, identifying what went wrong and then adjusting accordingly.
Fortunately, we can rewire our response to a mistake so that they aren't scary and anxiety-inducing. The key is self-compassion. We are so hard on ourselves as people. We do not give ourselves permission to accept mistakes and use them as a chance for growth. A setback can lead us to a better place if we just let it. I can testify to that; in my life every time I thought I had failed, it was really God just moving me to a new level of growth. All too often when we rely on our own minds, we resist or overlook opportunities to grow. So God has to get our attention. Failures are a very efficient way of doing that.
As 2014 picks up speed can we draft a joint resolution to drop the expectation that we must all be perfect friends, spouses, employees with perfect bodies who dedicate ourselves to charity and have our own organic garden, eat gluten free, at the same time that we run corporations, stand on our heads while playing the piano with our feet?
Not possible right? So let's drop it maybe?
Let's just anticipate that we will disappoint ourselves somehow this year. Go ahead and let it happen. You will survive, I promise! We can blow it all catastrophically, and thankfully start over. This is what we must all learn to do, for this is how maps get charted, by taking wrong turns that lead to surprising discoveries that open into spectacularly unexpected new worlds. So just march on. Future generations will thank you for showing the way, for beating brave new paths out of your crazy mistakes.
Fall flat on your face if you must, but please, never EVER give up! Do not stop!
Everyone's felt it, that forehead-smacking frustration that comes with failing, or simply being flat-out wrong. To make things worse, these mistakes always tend to take center stage in our minds. To err may be human but most of us are still afraid to admit when we've been wrong, it feels like an "indictment of our self-worth." When we make a mistake, most of us fall into two categories: those who think, 'Forget it, I'll never be good at this,' then we try to forget it altogether; or those who view a mistake as wake up call, identifying what went wrong and then adjusting accordingly.
Fortunately, we can rewire our response to a mistake so that they aren't scary and anxiety-inducing. The key is self-compassion. We are so hard on ourselves as people. We do not give ourselves permission to accept mistakes and use them as a chance for growth. A setback can lead us to a better place if we just let it. I can testify to that; in my life every time I thought I had failed, it was really God just moving me to a new level of growth. All too often when we rely on our own minds, we resist or overlook opportunities to grow. So God has to get our attention. Failures are a very efficient way of doing that.
As 2014 picks up speed can we draft a joint resolution to drop the expectation that we must all be perfect friends, spouses, employees with perfect bodies who dedicate ourselves to charity and have our own organic garden, eat gluten free, at the same time that we run corporations, stand on our heads while playing the piano with our feet?
Not possible right? So let's drop it maybe?
Let's just anticipate that we will disappoint ourselves somehow this year. Go ahead and let it happen. You will survive, I promise! We can blow it all catastrophically, and thankfully start over. This is what we must all learn to do, for this is how maps get charted, by taking wrong turns that lead to surprising discoveries that open into spectacularly unexpected new worlds. So just march on. Future generations will thank you for showing the way, for beating brave new paths out of your crazy mistakes.
Map your own life, and live it without regrets.
BGTY
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